The Haus

Saturday, April 1, 2000

Red Hat to Purchase Microsoft

Stunning news has just come down in the DoJ vs. Microsoft trial. Here's the press release which I quote in its entirety:
Red Hat Inc., a vendor of the popular Linux operating system, announced today that it would be purchasing the operating system division of the former Microsoft for $3.5 billion in cash. After Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson's surprise decision to revoke the April 7 deadline for settlement and simply break up the software giant, he gave Red Hat first opportunity to purchase the new operating system division outright. "Microsoft has repeatedly shown amazing incompetence in designing and delivering operating systems," Jackson said. "I believe that this operation should be run by someone who can do the job right." Operating systems produced by the former Microsoft, such as Windows 95 and Windows 98, are run on 90% of desktop computers worldwide.

"Just yet Red Hat has no definite plans for the future of Windows," an unnamed company representative said. "Of course, we recognize that many users still need Windows for certain applications. Essentially we're hoping to offer all versions of Windows free with our future distributions, along with VMWare, so that users can run Windows and Windows applications on their Linux desktops. We believe that this will give our customers Windows functionality without Windows frustration when Windows crashes." Red Hat will likely make this Windows/VMWare combination available free to all Linux users.

"It's probably for the best," said Microsoft founder and former president Bill Gates. Gates hopes to leave the computer world behind. He told reporters, "I'm tired of fighting anyway. To free myself of the past, I plan to give all my wealth to third world countries and move to a small farm in Utah."

Other officials of the company formerly known as Microsoft could not be reached for comment.
We'll bring you more information on this story as it becomes available.

Oh, and Happy April Fool's Day!

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