Review: Dragonshard (PC)

Game by Atari

November 18, 2005 -- Review by Abelard

Dragonshard...it's not you. It's me!

Ah, Dragonshard; you look lovely! The dinner--did it meet with your approval? The wine? The desert? Your coffee now? All fine? I'm glad! And as I said, you're lovely in the candleglow here, at this intimate little table in this nice little restaurant. Which makes what I now must say all the more difficult: Dragonshard, I've enjoyed our time together--you have features that can make a gaming man very happy. But...I'm not that man. It's not you; it's me.

Oh, don't be sad! It's not your fault! It's NOT you. You're fine! It's me! Remember when we first met? I had decided to pick up Dungeon Siege II, and there you were--all alone! I recognized you had come from a good home: Atari, Dungeons and Dragons, names I had come to trust. Your packaging stated that you were from a far more exotic world than your cousins, some of my old flames--Baldur's Gate, Icewind Dale II, NWN and her expansions. They were all RPG, based in the same game world. You, however, were RTS! And from the exotic local of a place called Eberron! So, a familiar family, exotic location, different style--I thought we might turn out to have something! I couldn't resist--even though you were pricy. But I couldn't leave Dungeon Siege II behind--after all, I had come to pick her up. So I decided to take you both home with me!

DS II was nothing but a fling. You knew it; I knew it; she knew it. You sat on my desk, patiently waiting, until--as expected--her wild action finally bored me. And then, it was you and I--getting to know you, your tutorial, looking at your handbook. Oh, I'm sure we both thought it: this could be a long term thing!

It's me, definitely me. I'm an emotional mess. I get into these video game relationships, because even the thought of real ones give me migraines and make me nauseous. You video games, even though you carry warnings of siezures and such--I have not suffered such pains from you. But all games that I've played started out with high expectations, gave me some fun, but eventually grew into a dull routine. I'd stay with them for awhile out of mere duty, or commitment to "raise the children" produced in the game world, get my PC or avatar or hero or whatever the game called it, to the end and the most experienced possible. Find all the treasures, get all the quests, solve all the mysteries. I think the fact that I can see a progress with a virtual life, see some growth in a character, is an attempt to fill up the void of progress I don't see in myself. As I said, I'm messed up. It's not you, it's me. There's always the hope of a game spurring in me some sort of creative thought, but even the games I highly anticipate, and long for from afar, rarely seem to deliver. If they do, it's only for a while. I'm sure Oblivion, NWN 2, and any sort of future installment coming from the KOTOR stuff, will have as unsatisfying a relationship with me as you have, Dragonshard.

No, there's not another game right now. Unless I go back to some old ones. But as I said, I bore easily. And I've gone as far as I care to with other games. It's not that. And I'm not interested in the "party games," with all the multiplayer stuff. It's nice to have the options, but I prefer single, intimate gameplay. Taking games like you to a party to "show off my skillz"--I've got none to show off. If I wanted multiplayer, I'd have picked something like Star Wars Galaxies, or Guild Wars. But relationships with games like those demand monthly bills of child support, and most of the children supported by my money weren't mine to begin with!

And it's not really your looks. Your graphics are fine: they don't need to be great to be a good RTS. Although, they are a bit comic-bookish. And your characters, the heroes who lead the armies, are rather trite. They've got no personality. There's little difference between leading the Order of the Flame and the Lizardfolk, except outward looks. Really. And as many "options" as you promise in strategies, for me to get anywhere with you, I had to do the same thing over and over and over, use the same combinations of buildings and soldiers and strategies; as intellectually stimulating as you first appeared, you really weren't so complicated.

Except with your tutorial. What was it? An eight part tutorial, just to get to know you and how to dance with you? You, like so many games, claim to have an easy to use interface, but your idea of easy isn't my idea of easy.

Ok, ok, calm down. You want the real truth? Here it is: I wanted you to be someone you are not. I wanted you to be Spellforce, and it's add ons. That game got the RPG/RTS thing down pretty well. Good graphics, easy, fun. Intriguing storyline--your storyline? Oh, please! You seem to me like an attempt, a poor attempt, to mimic what JoWood did with Spellforce, and what (I hope) they will do with Spellforce 2. Make it fun to both create a character to develop, and also lead armies into battle against impossible odds.

I take it back: it's not me. It's you. You are simplistic at the core, complicated to be with, NOT so good looking, a bit overweight (you should be able to do what you do with 2/3 of the memory and hard drive requirements), not only that--you're demanding! Your huge tutorial took at least an hour to finish. Your missions can't be saved, but must be redone completely if one thing goes wrong--like the need for a reboot, which you pulled on me SEVERAL times. Probably my fault--but other games haven't done that to me! Last of all, you are way too expensive: $50? $49.99? I suspect your developers figured what many seem to figure: "she's got our last name on it; people will love her and buy her." So here's the money for the dinner...I'm not paying for your second desert--one mammoth chocolate cake should have been enough!